Most people have a hard time viewing themselves in an unbiased way. Without the input of others, we will look at ourselves wrongly. We will evaluate our own worldview and choices, assuming our perspective is right. This is the lesson I’ve been learning the last two weeks. To overcome this bias, we need fellowship. The old saying is true. If you take a burning coal out of a fire, it will quickly go cold. But not just superficial fellowship—close and intimate fellowship. It’s easy to have superficial fellowship that makes you feel good, but doesn’t help you grow or change.
Real Discipleship
I was reading a book by George Barna (Raising Spiritual Champions). He made the point that true accountability comes through proper discipleship—discipleship that opens up your life to an individual for 8-12 weeks, allowing for honest and forthright conversations. Discipleship relationships are where truth and love come together
Speaking the truth in love
—Ephesians 4:15 (ESV)
It means interacting with people week after week and honestly telling them what you see. This type of relationship requires vulnerability, intentionality, and time.
Real Hope in Jesus
Going back two weeks ago, I spoke about finding your hope in Jesus during the hard times. This is something that a Christian should always be doing. As we increase in hope in the Lord, the virtues he is working in our lives will become increasingly evident.
“For if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”
—2 Peter 1:10 (ESV)
But growing in our hope in the Lord cannot be done in a vacuum or in isolation from other believers. If you do that on your own, your biased view of yourself will grow, and you’ll simply slide back into self-righteousness.
Real Submission
For a Christian to have lasting change they cannot remain isolated but seek godly authority. Of course, God is our ultimate authority. But our willingness to submit to human authorities shows our willingness to submit to God’s authority. Submission is seen on a personal level with one-on-one discipleship and on a larger shepherding platform from a pastor or pastors in a local congregation.
And so individuals who don’t have a discipleship relationship, whether with peers or a leader, and don’t regularly seek input from their local church pastors, are depriving themselves of the means God provided to grow in spiritual maturity.
And what’s the long-term result of that? No joke. It’s years or decades of stunted spiritual growth. It’s a spiritual lethargy that causes you to think that you’re fine. Like the coal removed from the fire, by not pursuing the accessible resources God has supplied, you allow yourself to grow cold.
Real Folly
In my experience, there are many people available to speak into every Christian’s life. But much of the time, those voices never speak because they are not invited. A fool simply affirms his own opinion and does not seek the counsel of others. It is up to you whether you remain a fool or pursue correction from others.
Sometimes godly men or women will hesitate to engage a fool on his own terms, lest they become like him (Prov. 26:4). Occassionally, out of love, they will speak into a person’s life, if by chance that person might realize that they are being wise in their own eyes (Prov. 26:5).
Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.
Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.—Proverbs 26:4-5
The sluggard presents a similar problem because he already sees himself as wiser than those who could offer counsel.
The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly.
—Proverbs 26:16
Therefore, finding your hope in the Lord apart from discipleship and shepherding authority is ultimately self-defeating. In the end, no matter how hard you try, your hope can easily land back in your own strength and wisdom. It can leave you in confusion while the very voices that could speak wisdom into your life remain locked out. Once you’re in this position, it becomes harder and harder to open up to others. As consequences of foolish choices accumulate, it becomes harder to humble yourself to ask for help.
Real Wisdom
The good news is that a wise counselor understands this dilemma. The wise counselor knows himself to have been forgiven a great debt and therefore can help others, not by looking down on them, but by looking up together to the only true source of wisdom. A wise counselor is not going to try to help change a person in ten or twenty ways. No human can grow like that. Often, God graciously brings one or two areas into focus at a time, and a wise counselor will seek to work in those areas.
So for those who are afraid to start such a relationship or submit to authority in their lives, the solution is not, “I’m going to have to have a complete overhaul in my life”. Though sometimes dramatic and blatant sins require dramatic changes. Most of the time it’s simply a matter of choosing to step out of an isolation pattern and into a submission pattern.
Those who have not done this might see this as impossible or intimidating. For those people who think this is way too scary, think of a person at your local church who has walked with Christ longer than you have and who shows the love of Christ every time you talk to them. Then think of spending more time with them and intentionally having open conversations. That is it! This could be a parent, a small group leader, or simply someone you look up to. You would be surprised how easy it is to start a discipleship relationship.
Real Victory
To avoid getting stuck in ruts of Christian self-righteousness, this is what a victorious Christian life looks like: always growing, always seeking maturity, always hoping in the Lord, and using the means he has supplied through his church.
Godly discipleship does not end with mere talk. Talk is often empty. Unless a person listening to counsel internalizes and acts on what they hear, the words spoken are useless. One-sided conversations are often are forgetton within minutes. People remember best with their eyes and ears working together. Add eating and smelling to create even better memories.
That is exactly what Jesus did when he was here. He had infinite knowledge, perfect theology, and yet much of his instruction came in ordinary experiences of life, meals together, answering questions and giving short responses. When he taught the Lord’s Prayer, he didn’t have a two-hour speech, he taught them everything in five short sentences. It’s the most marvelous, exemplary prayer ever taught, but he did it with simple terms and easy short sentences. And that is what is needed. Wise words embedded in real-life context.
In pursuing a discipleship relationship, in pursuing accountability, the solution is not to find the perfect book or to have the perfect system in place. The solution is to spend time with your mentor. The solution is repetition in relationship. And it is shocking how long those lessons will stay with us when they’re repeated in the context of a relationship.
It’s been said that a good friendship requires a minimum of 300 hours. How many people do you know that you’ve spent 300 hours with? Of those good friends, how many have spent those hours pointing you again and again to hope in Jesus?
That is what true accountability and discipleship look like.
